Notions
Notions, are a concept uniquely found in Ireland which loosely translate to delusions of grandeur, but probably more accurately delusions of middle class. Not to be confused with the shop Notionz, though allegedly they do sell Newbridge Silverware, which is enjoyed by Memmehs From Across The Road all over Ireland. Aisling is utterly obsessed with the concept of notions ever since she first became aware of them. She sees The FATRs as being the anthropomorphic personification of NOTIONS. She sees it in everything they do and sometimes becomes a little too locked on and takes photographs of "notiony food" to show Majella because she thinks that of COURSE The FATRs enjoy things like that, such as Prosecco crisps. NFATR is completely and utterly oblivious to notions in herself and in other people. Examples of Notions # Having a cleaner. # Sending food back in a restaurant. # Not inviting everyone from BGB to your wedding. # Gluten-free when you're not a coeliac. # Drinking any kind of tea other than Barrys or Lyons, or drinking either of the two of them black. # Use of a tumble driers when there's OBVIOUSLY good drying outside. # Shopping in Marks & Spencer's or Avoca for anything. # Holidaying anywhere that's not Grand Canaria. # Serving food without plates, but especially serving food on wooden boards. # Buying a new car more regularly than once every X number of years, where X is more than one year sooner than the person calling notions. Things Aisling Considers Notions 1. Going to Trinity 2. Mowing the lawn on a Sunday 3. Any English sounding surname such as Johnson, Wallace, Young 4. Rugby 5. Having a postbox with your English sounding surname on it 6. Beef Wellington 7. Excessive baking 8. Old ladies who don't wear scarves on their heads when they leave the house 9. Everyone who voted for David Norris 10. Being a bank manager 11. Having a lot of family in England or having lived in England for any period of greater than 1 year, unless you're her relation 12. Biscotti 13. Needlework 14. Watching the Northern Irish news (Ulster Aisling) 15. Living in sin 16. Solicitors 17. Only having one child 18. Private School 19. Macaroons, the biscuit cake thing not the chocolate bar 20. Afternoon tea 21. Being concerned with the Royal Family in any way outside of the Royal Wedding. Not to include Mrs. Asho's love of Lady Di or Granny Asho's love of the Queen Mother 22. Referring to the above as Princess Diana or the Queen Mum 23. Calling your mammy 'mum' 24. Pints of bitter 25. Having a harpist at your wedding 26. Coffee 27. Any kind of herbal tea (possibly excluding chamomile, but including Earl Grey) 28. Having a private gym membership 29. Being from within the Pale 30. Choosing wine by its label and origins rather than solely by price 31. Having a double-barrelled second name 32. Going to the doctor for a regular check-up rather than because you actually have something wrong, like your arm falling off 33. Salads that don't consist solely of lettuce, tomato and onion 34. Going to farmers' markets 35. Caring about animal rights or where any of your food comes from 36. Using liquid fabric detergent 37. Using fabric softener 38. Saying "Candy" instead of "Sweets" or "Milsean" 39. Hairspray 40. Watching "Greys Anatomy" 41. Listening to any kind of music with a Synth line. 42. Reading The Sunday Times. 43. Dogs that can't be used for herding, such as Chihuahuas, Jack Russells are okay because they're lively 44. Craig Doyle 45. Chintz 46. Those shirts where the collar and cuffs contrast with the rest of the shirt 47. Having more than one set of cufflinks 48. Collections, such as collecting stamps or thimbles 49. Yoga 50. Pilates 51. Yogalates 52. Neckscarves 53. Pinstripes 54. Hiking, as opposed to going for a walk 55. Dressing up your dog 56. Crufts 57. Tweed 58. Fancy cheese folk 59. Owning a cat that lives indoors and whose sole purpose isn't to rid the yard of rodents 60. Watching David Attenborough and/or The Antiques Roadshow and/or BBC Jane Austen adaptations 61. Science degrees 62. PhDs 63. Those folk that serve olives with their cheese. Olives... the protestant grape. 64. Recorders 65. "Spirituality" 66. Fountain pens 67. People who don't like Ballymaloe Relish 68. Terry's chocolate. 69. People who DO like Ballymaloe Relish. 70. Forgetting your 'bag for life' but not trying to carry all your 'messages' on your body like some kind of human Buckaroo and *gasp...buying a plastic bag 71. Doing any course where the eventual job isn't obvious from the title like engineering, nursing, teaching 72. Poetry 73. Being related, even very distantly, to any member of the judiciary, past or present 74. All academics 75. The name Nigel 76. Muesli 77. First names that aren't either Irish, from the Bible or easily made into a shorter version ending with 'y' 78. Mothers who insist their children only be addressed by their full name and, by extension, their children 79. People who wait until after the Christmas dinner to open their presents 80. Calling presents gifts 81. UHT milk 82. Going "up North" for cheaper shopping and so not supporting the local community 83. The Property Tax, and water charges 84. Marks and Spencers 85. Hummous 86. Men who wear scarves 87. Quality Street 88. Ruth Scott 89. Yogalates 90. Donald Trump 91. The Labour Party 92. The Gate Theatre 93. Martina Brooks/Nina Spellmeyer 94. Calling Santy "Father Christmas" 95. Quorn/Quinoa/Quail any food beginning with Q - particularly QU 96. Crowdfunding 97. A violin (its just a Protestant fiddle) 98. Any kind of cheese that's not cheddar or plastic eighties slices 99. Capers 100. Non-dairy milk (rice, almond, coconut, oat, soya) 101. Nut Butter 102. A well maintained grandfather clock that ticks very loudly 103. Green Salt & Vinegar Crisps/Blue Cheese and Onion 104. Paying for Water 105. Landing pages Examples of things that are not Notions, Aisling Category:Concepts